Praise the Heavens for IKEA Furniture

Saturday, 11 April 2009

How housewives really CAN do anything...

I've been putting up IKEA furniture since I was a wee tacker... in utero, it feels that long. Like all if not most Australian women, I'm expertatious at it and really could do it blindfolded whilst sauteeing dinner and clipping the hedges.

Looking at an IKEA "DIY" plan does not undo me, no no. I just glance at it casually, usually from a sideways angle, and the only thing that passes through my mind is whether or not I really should waste time checking if all the screws are really there (they always are).

I don't know if you're an IKEA fan. I can understand if it makes you cringe. Every time I get a slab of veneered MDF, I sort of experience a "let down" (and I don't mean milk) but the magical thing about IKEA is that once it's up, you always feel a high. Maybe it's the sense of achievement. Maybe it 's the fact that their simplistic designs always do look really gorgeous in the end, and that they cost you the same as a packet of chips. Well, almost.

Whatever the case, here is my step-by-step guide to putting together an IKEA piece.

1. Glance sideways at the plans. Check the screw totals if you must. Lay everything out on a rug, people, a rug!

2. Don't underestimate the power of the hammer. Use it to whack those pesky screws if they become too tight to screw in.

3. Don't ever try to shortcut putting pieces together. The instructions are laid out in order for a reason. Trust me on this one.

4. Stop for frequent cups of tea and fruit cake. Calories burned minus cake ingested plus effort exerted divided by pi (I mean, cake)... whatever, just do it.

5. Never try to lift 97kg of MDF, half-assembled furniture alone, unless you want to herniate your uterus and half the contents of your bladder. And break the legs off your piece.

6. Be sure to decorate your luscious-looking piece with your world travels and knicknacks. Change display regularly, depending on season and hormone flow.

Coming next time: how to reassemble your core vortex to deal with 2+ weeks of Easter school holidays - on top of your housework and realwork.

1 comment:

Emma Davidson said...

I know you're probably feeling left out as there's no IKEA in Canberra. But we do have www.bringithome.com.au
They're not IKEA, they just bring it home :)
My only problem is I keep wanting to buy just after they've closed for orders for the next trip.

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