Coming Full Circle

First published in November 2008.

Our first day - May 2005

Oh, dear sweet Beijing. We’ll soon be leaving you for, er, dust. It seems like we’ve been living in the capital forever yet the past four years have evaporated like jaozi steam.

Such a juxtaposition is part of the human condition, I suppose, but as they say––all good things must come to an end, and along with our family’s pack-up comes an indefinable desire to cleanse as well as hoard our China experience. Just as I toss out one more qipao, I balance one more Panjiayuan find onto our teetering to-go pile. It’s driving my husband bananas. In fact, I would also take bananas if I could––they’re very expensive in Australia, after all.

But seriously, it’s time to scale down.

Our first summer, Chaoyang Park - June 2005

Like most expat families who arrive in Beijing for the first time, we arrived here relatively uncluttered––literally and figuratively. Not so any more, oh no. It’s remarkable what’s been stuffed into every nook and cranny of our lives––not just into our cupboards but into our hearts and souls. Culling this stuffing is proving to be an interesting process that’s involved a lot of planning and calm manipulation, like prying open desperately clutching fingers. The problem with prying is that it could release flailing and an incapacity to cope with the enormous moving mountain before us.

That’s right. At the moment, our move seems monumentally overwhelming.

First days at school - Sept 2005

But it’s not only leaving Beijing that feels like scaling a mountain. Arriving is the same––that giddy combination of leaving your home, family and friends behind to start anew in a country with language and cultural barriers so firmly entrenched, you might as well be staring at the base of a Great Wall. Could this be a more stressful life event? And when combined with kids… let’s just say that heady feeling of oxygen deprivation is quite real.

First Christmas - 2005

Whether you’ve just arrived or are in countdown mode, moving logistics are pretty much the same, though I personally believe heading home is harder. Sure, when you first arrive in Beijing, it’s like wandering aimlessly in the dark tunnels beneath Tian’anmen Square. But it’s also exciting and challenging in a fantastical, impermanent way. Heading home is also challenging, but in a Hello Reality! way. And we all know how scary reality can be.

So how do expats deal with Home-Beijing-Home-Elsewhere in style? Having moved over 50 times through three countries in my life, I think I have a few pointers.

First Chinese New Year - January 2006

BE PREPARED
Like all good scouts, it’s important to plan well in advance––like, a year or more. In our family, we started planning our arrival twelve months out. Excessive, maybe, but boy did it lower the stress levels. For our departure, we started actually packing six months ago. We had some boxes delivered and packed things that can be stored until we’re well settled. If you do this, be sure to pack by room and season, and label the outside of boxes with every single item inside. Box-foraging is hellish.

Great Wall at Jinshanling - Oct 2006

LISTS AND TIME-LINES
Nothing beats a list for the organized mover, but make them in bite-size pieces so you don’t get overwhelmed by those exhausting mountains. Create them by theme––school, house, what to buy before we leave, et cetera, then get ticking!

While lists are important, it’s a time line that can really kick things into gear. Look ahead to your remaining months and slot things in. If you’re leaving BJ, plan what’s essential for you to do “one last time” because China is not only about amassing stone pagodas for your backyard––it’s also about the experiences and the people. Ink them in now and do them, so there’s no latent regrets. Slot in farewell get-togethers––for both adults and kids, too.

Halloween 2006

DELEGATE AND ASK
Hire someone! Or add a few extra hours to Ayi’s day and have her start wiping down the tchochkes and putting them into Ziploc bags to repel the dust. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. “When people offer you help or advice (and they will)––take it!” says Taryn Ash, who arrived in Beijing early December from Singapore, and went out of her way to make the transition smooth. “And keep asking questions,” she adds, whilst admitting she’s a great advocate of Yahoo! Group Beijing Café––a goldmine for expat answers.

The Temple of Heaven - November 2006

RESEARCH AND NETWORK

If you’re newly arrived, networking is vital for settling in more easily. Go to everything, meet everyone you can, take up invitations, ask questions. A social buzz and valuable information all in one? Priceless.

Lara Steyn, who arrived from Zimbabwe this June, agrees. “Try and get involved as much as you can in the community; that way you meet people faster. You have to get out there and do it––people don’t come to you.” If you’re moving back home, ask friends and family for advice and help on schools, housing and transport. Get online to sort out utilities, postal address changes and work opportunities well in advance.

Winter 2006/2007

IMMERSE
When you reach a destination, whether old or new, immerse yourself. Get stuck into local life and your family’s transition will be smoother.

“Learn the language, make local friends, get out of the expat circle,” says Isabelle Cyr, who arrived in Beijing this October and believes in making the most of her family’s posting. “You will start to understand better the way things work around you.” When heading home, a similar rule applies––take up all the things your family used to do; recommence sports, enroll in clubs, revisit old contacts and comforts, and you’ll be back into the swing of things in no time.

Halloween 2007

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT
For new arrivals… bring nothing! You can get almost everything here and you’ll want to leave room to take stuff home. For departees––this is trickier. You need to cull, cull then cull some more, but the irony is, you also need to take everything. Just choose selectively.

Stocking up on ribbon, fabric, clothes and shoes in every size for your kids, for example, is a great idea. You’ll never get cheaper or such variety at home, and if you’re still umming and ahhing over that unique Chinese artwork, for goodness sake, just buy it. You might say you’ll come back to Beijing, but you probably won’t (life does get in the way sometimes).

BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER
Sound simple? We often take out stresses and strains on those closest to us. “Moving is already a tough decision that needs to be made as a family,” says Lara Steyn, “So once the decision is made, you can’t take it out on each other.”

School - June 2008

Moving is never easy, but with a little savvy and preparation, things should go smoothly for our family, and hopefully yours. I can’t believe this is zaijian from me and our heartbreakingly Sinophiliac family.

Our last two months is going to be like walking beneath an ocean (of our own tears!) but at least we’ll be sorted well in advance, and can spend our last weeks amongst the streaming ribbons in Ritan park, skating on Hou Hai lake and meandering through the hutongs, sighing amongst the dust and the jiaozi steam. Just one last time.

Ritan Park - Summer 2008

RESOURCES FOR NEWBIES

• Yahoo! group Beijing Café is priceless for information from the experts themselves––other expats––on everything from travel to yoghurt. Membership by invitation only, so ask around to be invited.
• Grocery resources in Beijing are looking good with plenty of stores serving up treats for homesickness. Try Carrefour, Olé, Walmart, Watsons Chemist and expat supermarkets Jenny Lou’s, the Friendship Store and April Gourmet. You can shop online at Carrefour.
• Contact your Embassy––many offer information packs to resident or visiting nationals, as well as advice and support in an emergency.
• Don’t underestimate the resources available at your child’s school or through Western clinics like International SOS and Bayley and Jackson.
• City Weekend’s own website is jam-packed with helpful listings including shopping, schools, restaurants, entertainment, events and all things kid-related. Go to www.cityweekend.com.cn/beijing to get started.

Beijing Olympics - August 2008

RESOURCES FOR LEAVERS

• Have items to donate? Contact your child’s school, your employer, your Embassy or building management for their recommended charity. Pooling items together with other leavers makes donating the goods easier.
• If you want to sell goods, advertise in your building, on the notice boards at Jenny Lou’s or on BJ Café.
• Make your last weeks easy as pie. Have your groceries home-delivered at http://www.beijinghomedelivery.com/ and don’t forget the paper plates! For your last few days, order pizza, bagels and coffee at http://www.chinabagel.com/ or full meals from http://www.beijinggoodies.com/.
• Ask your building about supplying linen and crockery to use during your last few weeks. The more you can pack and send off in advance, the better.
• Get the kids involved––sorting through their own junk is a priceless education. Talk to them about donating to kids less fortunate.

First published, in part, in City Weekend Beijing magazine.

Click on each heading to see Tania's work as Family Matters Columnist, Bloggist and writer/editor for City Weekend Beijing.

Family Matters post (online)...
In their entirety - from 25 April 2008 to 22 January 2009

Family Matters columns (magazine)...

Foodie Culture Shock - 8-21 May 2008
When I Was A Kid - 22 May-4 June 2008
Parent No-Nos - 5-18 June 2008
Water Water Everywhere - 19 June-2 July 2008
Kids Fashion Snobs - 3-16 July 2008
It's Showtime! - 17-30 July 2008
Exploring Beijing's Ancient Sites - 31 July-13 August 2008
Bagging a Bargain - 14-27 August 2008
My Ayi Doesn't Love My Kids - 28 August-10 September 2008
Pet Peeves - 11-24 September 2008
Making the Grade - 25 September-8 October 2008
Goodbye, Beijing - 9-22 October 2008
Costume Capers - 23 October-5 November 2008
Downtown v Shunyi - 6-19 November 2008
Beijing Thanksgiving - 20 November-3 December 2008
Going Places - 4-17 December 2008
Beijing Christmas - 18-31 December 2008
Beijing Resolutions - 1-14 January 2009
Caring for Tai Tai - 15 January-4 February 2009

CW Parents & Kids supplement articles...
A Breath of Fresh Air
You've Got To Have Friends
Coming Full Circle

Other CW articles...
An Odd Job
My Love Affair with the Great Wall of China
Summer Lovin'

Magazine Contributions

tickle the imagination is an online magazine celebrating the handmade and creative community in Australia. tickle the imagination aims to inspire creativity, showcasing talented designers & makers, discovering emerging talent and sharing real-life stories and diy projects. Be inspired by gorgeous images, take a peek into the lives of designers and makers and discover ways to include creativity & handmade into your everyday living. Click on the logo for articles.


MAEVE Magazine is a quarterly online publication aimed at the conscious consumer. MAEVE targets 30-40 something’s + some 20 something’s too… women… grown ups… parents… people who want more from their media. MAEVE is an observatory on human kind, incorporating a plethora of ideas and inspiration to bring life to your life and your family. See my feature articles by clicking the above logo. Visit the magazine here.


HerCanberra is a website for women of the Canberra region. Featuring the voices of local writers, the website posts daily about topics of interest to the Capital’s female population. From ‘what’s on’ to reviews of places to eat; social commentary to health and fitness; beauty and nutrition to books and movies; fashion and motherhood to recipes and home style; if it’s part of ‘her’ life you’ll find it on HerCanberra. See my reviews and articles for the site by clicking on the logo.


Boomerang Books is your destination for books. The site's primary focus is to become Australia's leading online destination for book lovers. I wrote almost 150 articles and reviews for the Boomerang Books Blog. See my contributions by clicking on the logo.


Australian Women Online is a virtual magazine for women aged 25+. Tania is delighted to be contributing to the site as Parenting and Family Matters columnist, features writer, book reviewer and Book Club host. Click on the logo above for my reviews, columns and articles.


City Weekend is a reader fuelled, jam-packed listings mag with snappy and timely news items and events in Beijing. Tania wrote countless blogs and columns as Family Matters Colunist, as well as several feature articles and reportage. Click here to see a complete list.



Little Star is a schools/edcation bi-monthly publication run by the talented Xing Yangjian, who has launched his magazine in both Beijing and Shanghai. Tania contributed several articles to the magazine in 2008 and will be contributing again from August 2009. Click the logo to see a complete list.


Tania spent six month as Kids Editor for Time Out magazine in Beijing. She wrote the monthly Preview and also compiled comprehensive events listings for parents and kids. Click here to see a complete list of Previews for Time Out.


beijingkids is a very popular magazine for parents and kids in Beijing. Tania worked as Contributing Editor for almost 18 months, designing, writing, creating and styling feature articles, as well as travel, Family Favorites and more. Click the logo for a peek at her work or see a list of contributions here.


Click the logo for my contributions to this travel website.


Baby's Name - A Label for Life
Article for Parents magazine, Australia (April/May 1997)


Boys Will Be Boys
Article for Dolly Magazine, Australia (1988)

Sure, I’d seen it before. Mutianyu was really lovely and sent me roses; I still see it occasionally. Badaling… myeah; was kinda glad when it didn’t call the next day. But Jinshanling Great Wall. Oh, Jinshanling. Oriental dreams are made of you. How you broke my heart.

We had taken the Jingcheng Expressway to Chengde for the weekend and stopped at Jinshanling for a peek, almost as an afterthought. It was your regular chair-lift ride with the standard chunky-hilled view and the usual landing platform on a cemented hilltop. But when my feet landed on that cement and I turned around, all typical expectations dissolved. My heart stopped. My breath caught. Tears sprang. And there it was – draped over the wandering hills like a cashmere serpent, rolling, reclining and basking in my eyes; a bewitching lothario.

I was love-struck.

The Wall had never looked like this. It went forever. It rose, it plummeted, it coiled around and flung itself wide. It peaked and troughed and meandered and teased. It trailed away skinny into far-off Simitai and curl around powerfully under my feet to hold me close.

I gasped, clutched my hands and rested my head against its grey stones, watching the sun cast itself bronze across the hilltops. This was a life-altering moment for me. Our ensuing weekend in Chengde was spent on a high.

The Mountain Resort and Eight Outer Temples, all UNESCO World Heritage sites, are truly an unmissable China experience. The Qing Dynasty summer palace was almost a century in the making. Lusciously massive, its temples, pavilions, eight lakes, horse-riding plain, valleys, mountains, weeping willows and peacocks are surrounded by 10km of carbon-copy Wall.

The magnificent Eight Outer temples were built by emperors Qianlong and Kangxi as a nod to China’s diverse minority population. A blend of Tibetan and Han styles, and arranged like constellations around the moon of the Resort, each one is unique. Stand-outs include Putuo Zongchengzhi (an echo of Lhasa’s Potala Palace), Xumi Fushouzhi, Pule and Putuo Temple with its colossal, thousand-armed Buddhist statue, made of wood.

Other sites of historical and natural beauty around town include Kuixing Pavilion, Mulan Imperial Hunting Park and Qingchui Cliff, a 60-metre rock balancing on its tip. If you want your heart batted around like a kitten with a ball of yarn, don’t miss your chance to be seduced by Jinshanling. Your love affair may be fleeting but the memory will be cast in stone. How to get there: 2.5-3 hours by car.

Where to stay: Mountain Villa Resort, 3 star, from 470RMB/night; Chengde Hotel, 2 star, from 450RMB/night.Cost: Resort 60-90RMB. Temples 20-50RMB (open 8am-5.30pm).Top three sites: Mountain Resort, Eight Outer Temples and Jinshanling Great Wall. The hike to Simitai takes four hours.

First published, in part, in City Weekend Beijing magazine. Photographs by Tania McCartney.

You've Got to Have Friends

Ella and Riley - when friendships fail, they'll always have each other

Helping our children cope with the goodbyes that accompany life as a nomadic expatriate

Ah, the expatriate life! Filled with travel, adventure and cultural saturation the envy of people the world-over. It’s also a life of change, inconsistency, upheaval – and oftentimes it’s the littlest expats who stand to lose (and gain) the most. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the peer-related arena.

When my son Riley was two years old, he started pre-nursery at the British School of Beijing, and was the only male in the class. Surrounded by a harem of lovely beauties was something Sheikh Riley relished, but he truly came into his own when King William of the British Realm would join the harem. Oh, William of the flame-red hair. The boys became fast friends and over two years, developed a brother-like friendship that touched our royal hearts.

'Riley’s face drops as I try to explain to him the concept of Life Without William'

So when William’s mummy told me they were going home to their palace in England, it was me who was crushed. At only four years old, Riley really had no clue about the permanence of William’s returning home, and to this day, he still asks when his best mate will be making a reappearance through Beijing’s smog. Alas, this is not going to happen, and it’s disheartening to see Riley’s face drop as I try to explain to him the concept of Life Without William.

Sheik Riley (right) and the much-missed King William

Riley has moved on. He still has that harem of girls, plus a good handful of mates. Yet he still talks of William. A lot. And this got me to thinking about the impact of friendships on our kids whilst living in such a transient society. Expats notoriously move frequently, and the loss and recalibration of friendship circles can take it’s toll. The lives of our children revolve around their peers. When this shifts and changes so frequently, what impact does it have on our kids and their emotional growth?

Lucinda Willshire, Visiting Consultant at International SOS, says solid friendships are very important to children and the way they define themselves. “As they get older, children increasingly enjoy the company of their peers. They learn important social skills, such as what makes a healthy relationship and how to be a good friend,” says Lucinda. “Losing friendships repeatedly can make children think relationships are too emotionally fraught. Some children may become very cautious. Others may become clingy in future relationships because of the fear associated with previous losses.”

So, how can we, as parents who shift their kids from pillar to post, make friendship transitions easier on our children? A good way is to ensure a wide circle of friends – something I personally encourage my daughter Ella to do. She has seen many friends come and go during our time in Beijing, and I believe widening the circle provides “back-up” friends for when others leave. Nonetheless, like most children, Ella is still naturally drawn to her best friend Bethany, and a handful of other close pals, but what happens when Ella and Beth eventually part ways?

When losing a friend, Lucinda believes kids should be encouraged to talk about their feelings. “Parents, listen to your kids. You don't have to solve their problems, but listening to them will help them know their experiences are important.” Lucinda also says it’s helpful to say goodbye properly, so the reality sinks in – and try to keep in contact through the internet and the occasional visit, if possible.

Riley's charm with his girlfriends works a little too well...

MaryKay Carlson, mum to daughters aged 8 and 10, admits her girls have lost many friendships during their frequent postings. “As someone who only moved once when I was growing up, it’s really hard to know what kind of advice to give my own children. I once met a woman whose mum would tell her that a new best friend was waiting at their next posting. Sure enough, there would always be a new best friend waiting to be discovered.” MaryKay’s own daughters cope by keeping in regular contact with old friends through email, and even enjoy visits when the family returns home for vacation.

Despite the challenges, the loss of close friendships can also be a positive thing. Kids can learn about the importance of friendship, and can build valuable coping skills. Exposure to multiculturalism also allows them to foster curiosity, open-mindedness and tolerance. Another benefit, says Lucinda, is the widening of social groups, making children more confident in different social settings. “They hopefully become friendlier to newcomers and can become more outgoing because of the number of people they meet,” she says.

Although Aaron Macks admits it’s tough for his three boys to move countries and make new friends repeatedly, he also feels it’s a rewarding experience. “My kids have gained a lot. They are far more culturally aware than I was as a young adult, and have seen so much more of the world.” Aaron believes his sons, aged 8, 10 and 13, are well-accustomed to new places and new friends, and this has taught them to see greater possibility in life. “They have learned that what seems impossible can be quite easy, and what seems terrible can be one of their favorite experiences.” The Macks will soon be on the move again, and Aaron says friendships are actually invaluable for settling kids into a new location. “My children often leave good friends behind, but they always find new best friends. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one, but they have learned that new friends can always be found.”

A young Tania (right) with her childhood school friend Kimba.

There’s an undefined connection that creates a good friendship. It doesn’t matter where you’re from; this connection defies race, gender or age, and when it is severed – the loss can be heart-breaking. Whilst difficult, I do believe these losses are strengthening and deepening our children in ways we couldn’t even imagine. And given that the world is shrinking rapidly by the minute, the shores of the Realm of King William are getting so close, they’ll soon be only a footstep away.

Friendship lives on.

Ella (top left) and friends make the most of their time together.

Friendship survival tips for kids

Say goodbye properly – have a good farewell for your friend

Let your friend know they mean a lot to you and you will miss them

Keep in touch – by the internet, phone or good old snail-mail

Try to get together again on holidays

Talk to mum and dad about your feelings; it’s okay to feel sad and to miss your friend

Lean on your old friends for support and don’t be afraid to make new friendships

Make sure you keep a wide circle of friends

Keep positive, physically fit and involved in interesting activities

Remember there are always new friends to be made

First published in City Weekend Beijing Parents & Kids magazine.

A Breath of Fresh Air

A gust of fresh air may be elusive in Beijing, but there are ways to help your family’s health stagger through the smog

Beijing’s air is sick. It wakes up in the morning and rolls over, coughing and hacking like an old smoker. It skims off building sites and mingles with car exhaust and the smog blowing in from factories out of town. It lingers and festers in a vaporous band a meter off the ground, right in the space where our kids’ lungs suck in the most air. As in many large cities around the world, air pollution here is a lecherous problem, but there are ways you can help protect your kids from its effects.

Children are more vulnerable to air pollution than adults. No surprise there. Not only are they closer to the ground, but their bodies and immune systems are still developing, and potential asthma may still be lurking deep inside their airways. Being an asthmatic myself, it was with much trepidation that we brought a 2 and 4-year old to Beijing three years ago.

Since then, we’ve been poised for Beijing-induced-asthma to blossom in their lungs, yet thankfully, they’ve both escaped. I remember spending our first month in Beijing gaping like a guppy in a goldfish bowl, not because my asthma flared up, but because of the lack of oxygen saturation in the air as much of the space was taken up by small particulates. A friend of mine even went so far as to send me liquid oxygen drops until my body could “get used to” the lack of oxygen, and it actually eased the considerable ache in my lungs (only to be replaced by lime-green goo).

But what does this “lack of oxygen” and other pollution issues mean for our children’s health? A crunchy cough, stinging eyes, scratchy throat and that grubby feeling you get after just minutes outside are merely the mild side-effects of Beijing’s air pollution; so what about the more serious, longer term effects? What are we really exposing our kids to by the simple process of inhalation?

Playing indoors won't leave you gasping...

According to Dr. Will Chickering, an emergency room doctor at Beijing United Family Hospital, the worst pollution effects actually come from traffic. Ultra-fine particles that gather around major roads enter our homes, unfazed by tightly shut doors and windows, and then continue to re-circulate. It’s therefore important to freshen your home by opening windows on clear days at either 7am or 9pm, when traffic emissions are at their lowest.

The use of air-purifiers, air-conditioning and air filters will also help clean the air. HEPA (high efficiency particulate air) air filters can reduce larger air particulates by 90 percent, though ultra-fine particles will still linger, which is why it’s important to live away from main roads, or as high as you can; ideally above the seventh floor. HEPA filters are only effective in small areas, so the perfect spot for them is the bedroom where most of us spend a third of our days, inhaling deeply.

"What are we really exposing our kids to by the simple process of inhalation?"

Those living away from main roads in Shunyi should remember that although life in the ‘burbs may seem “cleaner”, the longer commuting times and exposure to coal-burning and jet-fuel emissions negates the lower traffic pollution.

Interestingly, commuting inside any kind of car, especially diesel vehicles, can be worse than riding a bicycle on Beijing’s streets due to exhaust fumes lingering in the car’s cabin. Living close to work and school minimizes commuting times and therefore toxic exposure. For bicycle riders—don’t be fooled—face masks can block larger particles but won’t protect against ultra-fine traffic particulates. Ride short distances, if you can.

Your Best Air Pollution Defense
· Live at least 150 meters away from main roads
· Move closer to work/school and go high-rise
· Consider commuting alternatives
· Don't smoke, and avoid second-hand smoke
· Use sheer curtains to cover all windows; wash them frequently
· Exercise regularly (indoors on bad days)
· Eat lots of fruit and vegetables
· Take antioxidants (Vitamins C and E) and Omega-3 fatty acids
· Monitor asthma carefully with your child’s doctor
· Use HEPA air-filters
· Don’t forget pets – keep them indoors on bad days
· Check http://english.mep.gov.cn for daily pollution levels (above 3 = bad)

While we seem to have little control over the traffic in Beijing, we do have control over what we eat. An excellent diet keeps our kids’ bodies operating at optimal levels that can better fight the effects of air pollution.

Nina Lenton, a registered dietitian at Bayley & Jackson Medical Center, believes good nutrition is vital. “Maintaining an ideal body weight, limiting saturated and trans fats, and eating lots of fruit, vegetables and lean protein will ensure your body is in good condition,” says Nina, “Exercise is also important for overall health and good lung function.”

Eating a diet high in antioxidants is especially important, according to Lenton. Vitamins A, C and E fight the free radicals cruising for trouble in our blood, and are especially effective on fine particulates.

Although vitamin supplements are helpful, the best source for antioxidants is from fresh food. “Vary your family’s diet as much as possible so you receive a good range of vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals, which can add further protection,” says Lenton.

Riley breathes easy, playing near a HEPA air filter.

Vitamin A and Beta carotene are particularly important for keeping the lungs healthy. Lenton says to up your family’s intake of whole milk, liver, egg yolks, fish oil, butter and fortified breakfast cereals, as well as orange-colored fruit and veggies, and dark green veggies like spinach and bok choy. Wash and peel fruit and vegetables, and try to opt for organic wherever possible. Foods high in antioxidants include all types of beans, nuts, berries, plums, apples, green and black tea, chocolate and red wine (for mom and dad only!).

Kid-Friendly Anti-Oxidant Foods
· baked sweet potato wedges
· pumpkin soup
· spinach quiche
· salmon fish cakes
· kidney-bean burgers or lasagna
· pecan nut slice
· berry smoothies
· orange fruit salad

If our diets are good and we take measures to improve our home environments, what happens if our kids still get air-sick? Seasonal allergies, sinus infections and asthma are certainly common with kids in Beijing.

Dr. DyAnn Chao, pediatrician at SOS International Clinic, says regular coughing could indeed be due to air-borne irritants or simply a common cold. “Air pollution can prolong the symptoms of asthma or seasonal allergies,” says Chao, “But it does not necessarily cause asthma. If a cough persists or worsens, it’s important to get your child checked by a medical professional, [whatever the perceived cause].”

Asthma triggers vary, with only some cases set off by air pollution. Other triggers include exercise, pet hair, pollen and dust mites. For asthma control and general health whilst living in Beijing, Dr. Chao suggests weekend trips away from the city and improving air quality in the home by frequent cleaning, using air purifiers, eliminating stuffed toys and carpet, and refraining from smoking.

Beijing is a wonderful city to live in. Inhaling its recurrent pea-soup air may be challenging, but imprisoning our kids indoors and force-feeding them broccoli soup for breakfast is no way to live.

Happily, studies show that the serious long-term effects of living here for three to five years actually appears negligible overall, and any reduced lung function is usually temporary, improving steadily once you leave Beijing.

So long as we take regular precautions, eat well, monitor existing health conditions and get to Phuket frequently, it seems that living in a temporary fog may be not so bad after all.

First published in City Weekend Beijing Parents & Kids magazine.

Holy Myxomatosis, Batman!

Dreams really can come true...

Introducing Mango and Max, who entered our hearts (and pooped all over our trampoline) this morning.

We are all totally in love and I'm not even allergic.

Welcome to Bunny Bliss, Ella.

Love,

Mum

x

To Pet Or Not to Pet

I am succumbing to pet adoption (and yes, I enjoy Shakespearean-style titles)


I know, I know – you’ve read my blogs on pets before and you’re rolling your eyes thinking “She’ll never do it.” But I am. I am doing it.

We are getting a pet.

Well, two pets, actually. Two rabbits. I said we’d maybe get them when we got home to Australia, to a large patch of grass that could keep rabbits well away from the house. We now have that grass. And yes, Ella has been wearing me down with her pet-pestering (only taken her five years, God love her). But none of these things are what convinced me that we should just go ahead and bite the proverbial bunny bullet. What convinced me to go ahead and get these rabbits was this:

Ella has begun collecting pet ants.

Now, it’s not until you actually witness a child laying on the footpaths outside your house, talking to crawling bugs and gently nudging them into jars with shards of Tiny Teddies biscuits, that you realise the tragedy of this situation. When Ella had harvested her crop of formicidae friends, and came to show me what she’d done, it brought tears to my eyes.

Each jar had been carefully prepped with its own little paper lid, punched with air holes and scripted with each of the ants’ names – Naughty, Baby, Bitey (it bit her), Bunny and Froggi. Inside the jars, she had created sumptuous little homes complete with cookie crumbs, leaves, twigs and even the odd dead ant in a kind of honourable act of cannibalism (“ant’s eat other insects, mum”).

Now, I don’t know about you, but a child who has to harvest bugs to sate their pet cravings is a child who is desperate for a pet indeed, especially after this innocent comment – “Ants are pets that don’t last long but you can get new ones for free. Although, it’s hard to catch them.”

After this comment, I knew it was time to act and that my years of pet neglect were over. (I also knew my daughter was possibly going quite mad from lackofpetitis.)

So, it didn’t take long for a dear friend to contact me with the news that a work colleague was selling two young bunnies complete with two cages, water bottles and bowls, all for the price of one rabbit and a bag of food at the pet store. I phoned her immediately and the rabbits – Skittle and Rupert, though Ella will no doubt change their names – will arrive this Sunday morning.

I feel excited, I feel nervous. It’s like receiving a baby of the opposite gender when you’re used to caring for the other type. I’m not sure what to do. I’m googling, I have brochures, I’ve bought food and hay. I’m sure that once those rabbits arrive, it will be Pet-Loving Ella who will come to the rescue. Let’s just hope her enthusiasm continues and I don’t live in pet regret.

Whatever the case, Ella will be absolutely ecstatic this Sunday morning.

I’ll report back next week.

Happy birthday to you…

The kids’ birthday party challenge


I am not going to be one of these parents that whine at you about over-achieving, over-the-top birthday parties, crammed with more glee than a billionaire’s bank account. I am not going to whine, no, no.

Because I am one of those parents.

It’s not that my parties cost a lot. In fact, they cost relatively little except acres of time and a large ball of stress.

So, why do I do it?

Because I LOVE it. It’s everything I love to do wrapped up in a big satin bow. Bake. Decorate. Design. Create invitations. Write. Compile. List. Shop. Get crafty. Stuff goodie bags. Create cakes. Think of fabulous games.

I’m a shameless workhorse that any party-loving child could ceaselessly exploit.

And boy do I have two party-loving kids keen on exploitation.

It’s going to be interesting then, when I tell Ella and Riley that this party is the last in a long line of enormous, over-the-top celebrations.

Riley has just turned six and I think I am just about done – especially after refereeing a yard full of kids in a series of strategically planned sporting feats whilst dashing into the kitchen to make sure the party pies haven’t become an imminent fireball in the oven, whilst simultaneously fielding “I’m thirsties” and “where is the toilets” and “I think I might have created an indelible stain on your light-coloured carpets”.

Don’t get me wrong – I loved every minute of it. And the kids were fantabulous but I do think it’s time to scale down.

There’s several reasons I decided to do this one-last-hurrah party, but the main reason is that we’re new in town and I wanted to meet kids and parents and hopefully foster some friendship connections for Riley (he seemed to do that, and then some).

I also did it because the weather was so gorgeous, we have such a great outdoor space and, well – I’m not sure I’m quite ready to let go of all this yet. The kids are getting older – they are becoming more specific, more discerning. Ella wants the one or two close girlfriends to hide away and whisper secrets with. And Riley would be more than happy to go to a local play centre and run amok for three hours.

Yes, the Big Party thing really is wearing off on my kids.

Now we just have to convince one other person it’s all over.

Me.

PS: for those of you who are wondering about my RSVP blog – yes, I sent out a “reminder” note and got some quick replies soon after. One parent did RSVP the day before… maybe she didn’t read my blog??? Maybe I need to relax...

How our Kids Differ, Country to Country

Are they really that different?


I’ve just read Riley and the Sleeping Dragon to my first batch of Australian school children.

I must admit, I was nervous. How would they react? Would they know where Tian’anmen Square is? Would they have heard of The Forbidden City? I was just about sure they’d never passed thought to the fish pond in Ritan Park. And what sort of connection could they possibly form to the metaphorical dragon that is the Great Wall of China?

Things started well. The kids at St Monica’s Primary in Canberra are polite, bright and so welcoming. They laughed at my weak jokes (good kids!) and were appropriately wide-eyed and attentive during the beginning of the story. They even knew about Tian’anmen Square.

When we got to Gu Gong, Hou Hai and the hutong alleyways, however, I noticed an ever so subtle yet quite distinct increase in blank-faced stares.

So I compensated. I told them that emperors and empresses sat on gold-dipped thrones in Gu Gong, I told them you can skate on the frozen surface Hou Hai lake in funny, rickety chairs, and I told them the courtyard houses are being smashed to bits to make way for high rise monstrosities.

Wide eyes. Interest piqued. Imagination firing and sending those children headlong into the hutong alleyway photograph in my book, to witness the bricks tumbling to the ground, first hand. Some of them even emerged with Beijing dust in their hair.

It was wonderful.

Then the questions began, and what struck me most about the questions was that they were exactly the same - identical, even - to the questions children asked me in Beijing. Whether the questions were from North American, European, Hispanic, Asian or local Chinese students, they were always similar – and these Aussie kids, with absolutely no exposure to expat life in China, asked exactly the same questions as their Beijing expat counterparts.

Interesting.

This made me realize that no matter where our kids are from or how they’re raised, they still have that curiosity inherent in all children, regardless of race or creed. They all have imaginations and musings steeped in the fundamental stuff of childhood – “where am I in relation to this story, how would I feel if I was in the story, what would it be like to write a story like this – and why does the Great Wall become the dragon?”

All one in the same.

I love that about us humans. We may look different on the outside, but – of course – on the inside our brains are all the same shade of grey. And after all, nothing is ever black or white, is it?

It's Party Time! Or not...

What is it about the RSVP thing, or lack thereof?


Riley turned six in February, right in the middle of a shipyard of packing boxes. We dug an ice cream cake out of the freezer (it had pink on it, you can tell I was harried) and blew out candles, then I famously promised he could have a party. Later.

It’s now Later.

At first it was going to be the 1st of March. Then the 8th. Now it’s slipped to the 15th and I have to go ahead with it because I’ve already sent the invitations. Yes, that’s right. I’ve committed and there’s no going back now.

Unless no one comes.

And I’m thinking that perhaps no one will come because I sent out 25 invitations and I’ve only had two RSVPs (and one of those RSVPs was to say he couldn’t make it). So, so far I have one small girl called Emma coming to Riley’s party and I have 25 goodie bags and a piñata ready to go. And it’s a Sports Party, specifically aimed at boys.

Hmm. Maybe Riley will end up smashing the piñata over a cup of faux tea in pink plastic teacups with his friend Emma.

I don’t get the RSVP thing. For those who have no clue what I’m talking about, and trust me, there appears to be many out there – it means répondez s'il vous plait. That’s French for “get off your lazy behind and make a phonecall to a harried parent who is grappling nervously with slippery goodie bags and sausage roll numbers, not to mention the agonizing pain of not knowing whether or not you have enough plastic cups”.

For goodness sake, people! RSVP means LET MUM KNOW YOUR KID IS COMING TO THE PARTY! Post-haste!

Sheesh. I’m soooo irritated about this. The party is 6 days away and I’m ready to preheat the oven for the sausage rolls, for goodness sake, yet have no idea who’s coming along. And because we’re new to the area, I have no phone numbers or email addresses so I can start harassing wayward RSVPers.

I’m worried. I mean, if you hadn’t heard from anyone with 6 days to go, wouldn’t you presume the answer was no?

Poor Riley.

Looks like it’s pink tea cups this Sunday. Unless you want to come along. Just don’t forget to RSVP.

Ha ha hee hee ha ha ho! Too funny


This is just too hilarious.

It’s only taken me two-score plus years, sagging jowls and two bags of cellulite on each thigh to achieve this. Thank God I didn’t write any books on bikini-wearing or nudist colonies, let me just say that.

I must also say that during our family’s repatriation to Australia, amongst the expected stress of it all – I’ve had an enormous fear that my book success in the Jing – that incredible, supportive literary wave I’d been surfing – would die down rapidly to a mere ripple and lap meagrely against the shore, and that I would plop face-down in the sand never to rise again.

Thanks to the wonderful people at Canberra City News, I can now leap about on my metaphorical surfboard (saddle bags cannot stop me! jowls be damned!) in delight and shock that this would happen. 

Fear-of-wave-fading rapidly subsiding.

Covergirl.

Me?

Too crazy.

Too hilarious!

But if having my mug on a mag cover will plug these Beijing publications that are so close to my heart, I’m happy to live the covergirl facade.

Australia – here I come! Lucky we have some big waves here...

Read the Canberra City News cover story article here. It's about me!

First published on the City Weekend Beijing website.

Lazy Mothers

Sitting still and doing nothing is a guilt-ridden nightmare


You’re not going to believe what I’ve done. I can hardly believe it myself.

I’ve just peeled myself off the couch.

Yes, you read it right. And it’s not even 11pm. It’s, like, 11am. In the morning.

And what did I do on that couch? I rested. I took time out. I lazed. I turned on the television. I know!!!

Not only that, I poured myself three cups of milky tea in a row and ate a Chomp (“Wafer Biscuit and Caramel Coated with Compound Chocolate”) and a Magical Elf (“Cadbury® Dairy Milk® Chocolate with Magical Popping Candy”). The hot tea helped wash them down.

Next to me was a pile of Aussie magazines and local newspapers, which I flicked through flippantly. I put them there to help me come to terms with the fact that we live in Australia again because right now it seems we don’t live anywhere. On the tele, I delighted in a little bit of fluff and a little bit of spiritual intent (via Ellen and Oprah, respectively), then I closed my eyes for a short while and I actually cleared my mind.

Of course, the clamour didn’t take long to descend. Things started poking into the black void behind my eyes. I got to thinking how cool the house was feeling after a much-needed cold change and that I’d have to look up how to operate the ducted heating. I flinched at the mental image of that lone iceberg rose I forgot to deadhead yesterday afternoon. I recalled some defrosting needs for dinner. I then remembered the kids have no school jackets, only t-shirts. I wondered if they were cold. I got up to ring the school about getting some early winter uniform stock.

Then I went back to the couch. Yes, I did. And I magazine flicked and couch snuggled AGAIN.

This is a strange thing for me to do. It’s been so long since I’ve done this, and even now, the mother-guilt is skulking around. Sure, I haven’t physically sat still for an inordinate number of months and probably well deserve a good couch snuggle, but I still can’t help feeling that I’m committed a debauched domestic crime.

My husband is on the second day of his new role at work. My kids are diligently opening their little minds and letting some education in. I am laying on the couch, shoveling chocolate and watching trash.

Why do I feel so bad? Is the guilt self-imposed?

The world is run by mothers. The fundamentals, the operations of the world at a base, primal level – from changing nappies to kissing away boo-boos – is done by mums. We provide the clean underwear, the plates full of veggies and the shining toilet bowls the world needs to operate, from moguls to men at work.

Sometimes, when mums get jack of cleaning up stink and hunting for nutrition and padding houses with love, they need to lay down on the couch. I just hope, as this ex-Beijing mum relaxes into a slower-paced Aussie life, that the guilt resides enough to let me enjoy this luscious, couch-snuggling morning on a more regular basis.

I don’t know how often it will happen in the future, but I have to say – I liked it.

First published on the City Weekend Beijing website.